The One with the Norwegian play

Trying to culture myself up, the girl and I decided to go to a play by Henrik Ibsen, a Norwegian playwrite, called "Hedda Gabler." This one starred Rosamund Pike as the heroine, which certainly increased my interest in the play. I have to say her performance was superb and if the girl wasn't the hottest thing since sliced....um.... toast? Then she might have some competition.

The story itself winds along with a steady pace before an almighty fast paced climax that took everyone by surprise. I would highly recommend this play on the proviso it is well presented with some decent acting. A good lead is also a bonus!

The One stuck in Nogland

The day the girl and I flew back from Aus we went straight into work. This seemed like a reasonable idea at the time (especially after we secured business seats) until after catching up on a few emails I got called into the bosses office. "Norway wants you to fly over tonight" was her opening statement and I could see she was reluctant to force me to go. Not really thinking it through I decided to leave my comfy bed for a couple more days and headed for Norway.

This turned out to be a critical error as the day I landed that unpronouncable Icelandic volcano, blew its muffin top. Not realising the impact to my next couple of weeks I found it mildly amusing that I was stuck in Norway with barely a change of clothes and not much on the agenda. The next day it was brought to my attention that our offshore crew was stuck in London with no way to get over to the boat that was moored in the North of Norway. About this time the cogs in my brain were starting to grind and I realised that we would probably have to be the likely candidates to reach the boat.

This didn't really worry me until we realised how big Norway was and that the flights here were also grounded. "No problem," said our accomodating hosts, "we have hired a bus for you to get up there."

And so began our lengthy bus ride from Stavanger to Kristiansund. To add to our misery 2 clients were added to the passenger list. We later found out that ironically both drivers were themselves from Iceland. Fortunately they had a sense of humour about it all.

We got about halfway when we stopped for some water at a nearby creek. I decided to get out of the bus and was greeted by some exceptionally cold snow. I only lasted outside the bus long enough to notice that a hose had broken and the water they were refilling was spewing out under the bus. Another stop for a couple of hours while this was fixed was certainly not appreciated.

We continued the rest of the journey without much more drama to finally reach the vessel some 20hrs later. Once we arrived there I was greeted by a 12hr night shift in which a blizzard had decided to keep our morale at all time lows.

The one with all the dinners....

The Girl and I were at the parentals consuming a vast amount of booze. The bro and sis in law were there too and it wasn't long before the baby shots were brought out. Unfortunately for me there is a classic of myself wearing nothing but a pair of cowboy boots and shirt. All I can say is it must have been damn cold that day! (Note: by popular request if my parentals scan and send me the photo it will be put up on this site - I just hope they have stopped reading this thing....)

Moving forward after the photo show we found my old diary from the trip my parents took me on when I was a wee tike. This trip was 2 months around Seppo homeland and the UK. I remember large portions of it when reading back through but I was quite surprised the quality of detail in my early years.

It was quite amusing to read through the matter of fact description of what happened - probably a quality far removed from my current writing style of comedy and embellishment. The brutal honesty and descriptive sentences were certainly hilarious however only to be outdone by my sign-off on the majority of entries:
"and then we had some dinner and then we went to bed."

The One with the Awesome Kebab

The thing about living away from your home country is missing the subtle things. Sure you can pretty much get vegemite everywhere and Selfridges now stocks Kraft Mac and Cheese (my mouth waters everytime I say it), and even the Australian shop in Cov Garden has a vast range of things you never new you missed until you see it on the shelves.

One of the many things I didn't realise I was missing in London (until a very long Saturday drinking session) was a late night Kebab. Alas it wasn't until the last night of my visit back to the motherland that I managed to end an epic boozing day with a hearty feast. And what a feast - I think I added every ingredient and sauce that I had ever sampled on a kebab. Then the final act of my grand feasting accomplishment was to be laced in the hottest curry sauce they could offer.

The thing that makes the Aussie Kebab so much better than any attempt by a British Kebab is the range. If you think it will taste good on a Kebab an Aussie place will most likely have it. When you ask for a Kebab in London they quite literally make you a kebab without asking what toppings you want except for maybe the choice of 2 sauces. When you start saying what else you want on it they look at you with a grimace and keep doing it there way.

UPDATE: I have now found myself a fairly good kebab shop in South Wimbles - not quite a big range yet (although he is taking my advice and trying to add more) but he likes to sort out exactly what I want.

The One from the Hulk's Wedding!

The Girl and I were back in Aus for one of her good friend's wedding. I best explain the title before we go any further. When we are out on the sauce, she likes to do a very convincing impersonation of the Hulk. Not a likeness in the looks department but a rather severe Hulk roar to anyone passing unexpectedly by. It is hilarious to see it in action.

After the ceremony, in between a few photo ops, I took the opportunity to ask the bride for a Hulk. In sporting fashion she brought her arms up in a flexing of guns motion and gave out an almighty "Roooooooaaaaaaarrrrrr!" The Hulk in a wedding dress - that was possibly the highlight of the whole night. But alas it continued on with lots of booze, funny speeches, crazy dancing and a rendition of the Kings of Leons "Sex is on Fire" played out on a Ukulele.

The Jerked One

From now on I am Jerking everything! Anything that needs to be cooked is now going to be jerked first.

The One with the Attempted Bribe

At lunchtime on Tuesday I nipped out and invested in a nice blender that I required for margarita's and my jerked sauce, (before the jokes fly I will let you know how both of these turn out later).

Leaving work I was surprised to see quite a few Police vehicles outside. They usually have a few come down to send youth's through metal dectectors to search for knives. They have one or two vans but this day there were at least four that I could see.

Rounding the last van that I noticed had "dog squad" plastered on the side I saw a policewoman closing the rear doors. Being in a friendly mood I asked the lady if I could pat the dog. She turned back to me and quipped, "Why would I want to let you do that?" Not wanting to be put in my place, I jokingly replied "Oh come on I will give you this blender!"

The woman looked at me briefly and then turned and opened the door. To my disappointment the van was empty. She turned back to me and asked "Are you trying to bribe me?"

I gave a quick shake of the head and made a beeline for the station. I wasn't really sure if she was joking with me but I hadn't wanted to find out.

The One with the Scooter Cover

During my morning jogs I have had to take a detour towards the end of my usual route due to a lack of light along one of the paths. The dirt path goes along a little woodland and is not quite even enough to risk the challenge. The new route is the same distance although it goes down a very empty street containing a couple of cars and a lone scooter right at the end.

During one of my jogs down this road (and for no apparent reason ) as I got towards the end of the road I changed my course and jumped the scooter. It gave me a little surge of adreneline which helped motivate me for the last km. Strangely enough now this has become a regular occurance and after the jump I usually throw my hands in the air and scream a boisterous "DRAGO!" That is until one stormy morning.

The rain was pelting down and I was in a rather miserable state. I proceeded with my usual routine towards the bike, a few stutter steps before the leap, before halfway though the jump I felt me feet catching on something. Luckily enough I managed to land on my feet unscathed with nothing but a bruised ego. There was a loud bang and I turned around to see the bike on its side. The owner had put on a cover (probably to protect it from the inclement weather) which was now masking what probable damage I had caused.

I looked around to find no commotion and hastily continued on my way. I figured the guy probably would think the wind blew it over during the night. My thoughts were confirmed the next day when I passed the scooter secured to a pole. I haven't got the courage to give the scooter + cover a go yet but will keep you posted when I do.

The One with the Irwin Killers

During our time in the Caribbean I decided to take a break from my sun lounge and go dabble with death. It surprises no one to find out that sting rays have an adversity to leaving Australians alive. The girls had arranged a rather nice sail out to a sand bar where the action would commence. I was particularly calm until the stingrays came - not for the fear of the rays but for the hysterical screaming that was emitting from the girls.

The rays themselves were rather tame and circled us with almost a disinterest. We were able to pick a few of them up. The skin had a very hard and slimey texture but the creature itself commanded a delicate touch. I was very aware of the barb towards the end of the tail but it certainly didn't look like it wanted to cause us any harm.

I was a little taken back at the size of the males - we all took them for babies. Not sure the reason the females grew much larger but that is your moment of knowlege for the day!

The One with all the Grievances

During my time here in London I have taken note of a number of things that annoy the hell out of me. Unfortunately these may not be of any interest to you but as the sole writer / editor of this site I take it upon myself to air out my grievances.

1. Cyclists on their high horse. Yes you are the greatest because you ride a bike and are saving the planet but stop swapping between a car / pedestrian when it suits you. Ringing your bell whilst illegally riding on a footpath or across a pedestrian walkway that is green for pedestrians will not make me get out of your way – in fact I will go out of my way to inconvenience your misjudgement on this matter by slowing you down to the point that you have to remove your locked in feet from the pedals to prevent you falling over.

2. If your child is old enough to go to school then they do not need to be transported there in a pram or stroller. This is not only and inconvenience when you push the empty stroller along with the child walking next to you taking up most of the footpath but it also seems stupid when you are taking public transport (ie the bus) and leave an empty pram in the standing area.

3. Multi-bags as carry on. If you do not want to put your bags into the hold then make sure only one goes into the locker above. If I cannot find a space for my small back pack shared between 2 persons, then too many chumps are multi-bagging. Don’t expect me to store this below my feet for your selfishness. This goes for coats up there too – expect them to be squashed into the back of the locker because you don’t want to hang it on the hook on the seat in front of you.

4. Service charges included into the bill. I don’t have to pay this so why do you put it on there? Why do you offer such substandard service when this is the case? Why do you become embarrassed when I ask you to reissue the bill without this?